


i don't want to fight no more

by likebrightness



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 18:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3821008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likebrightness/pseuds/likebrightness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tamsin gave up on good a long time ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't want to fight no more

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kerithwyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerithwyn/gifts).



“I am a Valkyrie,” Tamsin starts her presentation in front of the class. “Valkyries deliver warriors to Freya in Valhalla.”  
  
She hates this stupid assignment. They’re all too young to use any of their powers yet, are stuck explaining what their Fae-type is and does based on research and no experience.  
  
She is a Valkyrie. She knows that’s true, but in the same way she knows Erik Grahn is the hottest kid in school; it’s a thing that people say, and she says it, too, because she’s supposed to, but it doesn’t really mean anything to her.  
  
Then she turns thirteen and they start her training. She learns two things very quickly: being a Valkyrie is nothing like what she thought, and there’s no way Erik is the hottest kid in school (not that he even goes to this new school, but that’s not the point), because Krista Hagen is the most beautiful person Tamsin has ever seen.  
  
One day when they’re supposed to be studying, Krista takes her to the most secluded part of the library, the books no one ever checks out, pushes her against a shelf and kisses her. Tamsin forgets everything. She forgets studying and their homework and the fact that Valkyries don’t just deliver souls to Valhalla, they decide who dies, they _kill_ people; she forgets everything that isn’t this pretty blonde girl in front of her. But then Krista’s pulling back, giggling and blushing and trying to catch her breath.  
  
“Sorry, I—” she laughs. “Well, not sorry for doing it but sorry for stopping. I wanted to for a while, if that’s okay?”  
  
Tamsin simply nods.  
  
“We really must study, though,” Krista says, still smiling. “I read ahead and found this really cool thing. Come on, I’ll show you.”  
  
It goes on for months like this: kissing when they should be studying. Krista makes Tamsin feel more powerful than any doubt-inducing Valkyrie trick they’ve learned. Her hands tingle with want. They never go much further than making out, Krista always pulling away to show Tamsin something new she’s learned, on her own, always ahead of what they’re doing in class. They were warned not to work ahead, but it can’t be too bad, right? Krista seems to have things under control.  
  
It turns out that when a Valkyrie attempts to do more than she’s prepared for—the doubt they are learning to instill in others? It rebounds back on her instead.  
  
Krista throws herself out of a fifth story window, and even though everyone knows Valkyries have more than one life cycle, Tamsin never sees her again.  
  
-  
  
“This is punishment,” Acacia says.  
  
Tamsin is a kid again. She knew this would happen but she’s scared, and she doesn’t know this woman, this woman who looks angry, who sounds angry, who is saying for the thirtieth time: “I was never made to deal with _kids_.”  
  
She seems to do well enough, though. Tamsin learns to cuss and drink and at least appear to have no feelings. She’s the right kind of hard for a Valkyrie.  
  
The first time Tamsin betrays her for a bounty, Acacia smiles like she’s done something right. Tamsin doesn’t cry until she’s home in bed.  
  
-  
  
She meets Evony before she’s the Morrigan, but she’s precisely as exacting, ambitious, and sassy, even then. Tamsin wants her six different ways.  
  
She has her six different ways, too, more probably, but she’s not one to keep track.  
  
She knows Evony wants to be the Morrigan, and she knows she’s ruthless and ambitious enough to make it happen, but Tamsin’s still somehow surprised when it actually does. Evony becomes her _boss_ , basically, which had been fun to roleplay, but isn’t so fun in reality.  
  
“I’m leaving,” Tamsin says. Technically she’s asking, she has to ask, has to get permission, but she’s too proud for that, and Evony just smirks and lets her be.  
  
“Are you now?”  
  
Tamsin nods. “There are a lot of bounties going around, figure I might as well throw my hat in.”  
  
“With Acacia?” Evony _tut-tuts_. “Running back to mommy, are you?”  
  
Tamsin grits her teeth and holds eye contact and does not rise to the bait.  
  
“All right, all right, you can go,” Evony says. “Wanna fuck once more for the road?”  
  
She does, actually. She hates Evony’s smirk and her arrogance but she still wants to fuck her, and the thing she hates most—the thing she hates most is herself, and the smile that breaks across her face when she makes Evony come.  
  
-  
  
Bo is bad for her. Bo is bad for her because Bo is good. Tamsin gave up on good a long time ago.

Bo is easy to love. Everyone does; Lauren, Dyson, Kenzi. Tamsin wishes she was easy to hate.

It seems easy, at first, following Evony’s directions, hungry at the thought of taking the self-righteous little succubus down. She doesn’t realize Bo is the one the wanderer is looking for, not immediately. She doesn’t realize until well past when she should have, really. Doesn’t realize a lot of things about Bo until it’s too late, and she’s too far gone. Instead she fucks Dyson and snipes at Bo and tries to live the way she’s lived for centuries—quick and dirty, no attachments, no worries.

She _should_ hate Bo, should hate the happy sunshine gang, but there’s something like longing in her chest instead.

-

Kenzi is the best “mom” she’s ever had. It’s like being raised by the cool aunt, but you also know that that aunt loves you more than anything.  
  
“We’re watching every single one of these Disney movies, Tam Tam,” Kenzi says, hands on her hips. “I don’t care if you grew seven years overnight.”  
  
Tamsin really doesn’t mind, but she pretends she does because she’s a teenager.  
  
She actually does mind, though, when Kenzi tries to follow up a movie with the sex talk.  
  
“I know what sex is,” she scoffs. “I’m not a _child_.”  
  
“Well, you kinda are. And you’re growing up with a succubus, bub, so I gotta make sure you’re aware of this sorta thing!”  
  
“Even if I wasn’t, you really think right after watching The Fox and The Hound is the best time for this talk?” She’s still surreptitiously wiping tears away for fuck’s sake.  
  
“I got nervous!” Kenzi says. “The words just came out before I was even ready!”  
  
-  
  
Taking Kenzi’s soul to Valhalla is the hardest thing she’s ever done. She wants to run, to flee, to disappear with Kenz, but she can’t, she knows that. She knows the best shot they’ve got to get Kenzi back and keep her safe is together, her and Lauren and Bo and Dyson.  
  
-  
  
They do get her back, and when she decides to leave again, Tamsin thinks it’s good. Tamsin wants Kenzi _safe_ and _alive_ and the farther away she is the more likely she’ll stay that way.  
  
“One more Disney movie, for old time’s sake?” Kenzi asks. She hasn’t even told Bo yet, hasn’t told anyone but Tamsin that she’s leaving. “You can pick which one.”  
  
They watch Lilo  & Stitch snuggled together under a blanket and pretend their tears are just over the movie.  
  
-

The end of whatever she has with Bo hurts, especially because it’s not like Bo—the woman can _read auras_ , she had to know how Tamsin felt, that Tamsin was more invested than she was. But whatever. It ends and it’s shitty and Tamsin thinks of every moment in all of her lives when she hasn’t been good enough. Adds this to the list.

But this time is different. She’s still needed, still wanted. She’s not disposable. Bo needs to live and work with someone to stay sane, would run off on some righteous crusade otherwise. And Tamsin makes Dyson laugh and makes Lauren roll her eyes and they need her, too.

-

“Are you okay?” Lauren keeps asking her as they kiss, keeps asking each time another article of clothing is shed.

“Doc, I’m okay with everything except the fact that you’re not naked,” Tamsin growls at her. “Just because we’d both rather Bo—”

“Hey,” Lauren stops her, a hand on her face. “I want you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

And Tamsin wants her, too. Tamsin wants Bo, sure, they both do, but Lauren's the one she spends the rest of the night thinking about. Lauren's the one who brushes her hair off her face, after, and kisses her so soft Tamsin almost cries. 

-

They realize how important it is to celebrate their victories, even knowing they have to fight again tomorrow. So they make time at the Dal, often after hours, just their crew. It’s always Tamsin, Lauren, Bo and Dyson, often Vex and Mark, too. 

They're all there now, at god knows what time, drinking water because alcohol would just put them to sleep. It's that point of exhaustion where they might as well be tipsy, though—laughing about every single thing. Currently, the thing they're laughing about is Tamsin falling on her face in the middle of the fight. Which wasn't even funny because she could have  _died_.

"Yeah, but you didn't," Bo says. "Instead you just got up with dirt, like—" She can't even explain what the dirt was apparently like, because they all break into laughter.

“I have never hated anyone as much as I hate you all, right now,” Tamsin says.

Everyone just laughs harder and Bo actually punches her in the shoulder. Before Tamsin can decide if she wants to go full out Valkyrie on her, Dyson headlocks her, still laughing.

“You know you love us, Tammy,” he says.

She slips out of his grip and absolutely hates them all and can’t stop the smile from breaking across her face.

“Whatever,” she says, still trying for gruff. “You all suck.”

“Maybe,” Lauren says, “but we love you, so. You’re kinda stuck with us.”

 


End file.
